


The Dumbest Mammal Of All

by Bam4Me



Series: Ani-Vengers [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ageplay, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Birds, Alternate Universe - Dogs, Bird Clint, Cat Ears, Cat Howard, Cat Peter, Cat Tony, Cat/Human Hybrids, Dog Rhodey, Dogboys & Doggirls, Gen, Non-Sexual Age Play, cat Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not who you thought it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dumbest Mammal Of All

**Author's Note:**

> http://avengersnonsexualageplay.tumblr.com/

So, Tony may be a little, but he was one of the smartest people in the world. Not many humans, much less, hybrids, could make a working AI system, much less make multiple successful ones.

 

Thing is, Steve often forgets that he’s the smartest, because it doesn’t matter, because all his little boy wants is a snuggle for drawing a pretty picture, and to play out in the garden with Daddy.

 

Of course, sometimes it’s easy to forget that Rhodey was one of the smartest people out there too.

 

Howard and Tony didn’t trust just  _ anyone _ in their lab with them, but they trusted Rhodey, and Bruce, and sometimes Phil, so Steve knew that Rhodey was brilliant. Also, he built a lot of robots and an automatic ball thrower, because he was an innovative little shit.

 

Bucky was nearly knocked off his chair as the puppy barrelled into him, all excited yips and wagging tail.

 

Steve and Tony gave them both odd looks from the other side of the table, while Rhodey shoved a slightly gross tennis ball at Bucky. “I  _ found _ it!”

 

Bucky’s eyes were wide. “I threw that  _ five minutes ago! _ What have you been doing?”

 

Rhodey’s eyes were big when he answered. He might be fully adult, unlike Tony, but dogs were still excitable. “I found a pretty flower, and I thought that Tony might like it, because he’s pretty, so he might like the pretty flower!”

 

Bucky nodded, shifting the dog in his arms so they were more comfortable sprawled in the chair. It was a nice day outside, and Rhodey seemed momentarily distracted by the shiny gleam of Bucky’s metal arm, before moving to get comfortable. “Okay, so where’s the pretty flower?”

 

Rhodey grinned, “I got hungry so I ate it! But I didn’t like how it tasted, so I threw it back up!” Rhodey turned to look at Steve with big eyes, “Can I have some water?”

 

Steve sighed and reached into the cooler for a puppy safe bottle of water to give him, and sat back with Tony, who looked rather grossed out, to watch the boy drink half of it in one go.

 

He’d probably throw that up too.

 

Dogs are not the smartest.

 

***

 

“Howard!”

 

Howard turned around with a bored look to him, “What?”

 

“Stop it!”

 

Howard nodded, “Stop him?” He looked at Tony, who was currently standing in between Bucky’s legs while sucking on a bottle. He looked a little sleepy, Steve’s thinking about putting him to bed early that night. Things have been so hectic since the other Avengers moved in, he’s probably been too excited to sleep properly.

 

“No, you, stop rubbing up against the corners!” Steve was kneeling down next to the kitchen door, trying to rub the cat hair off the chipping paint there. They had  _ just _ redone these doors too, but having multiple cats in the house, is pretty much leaving every other door in the place with chipping paint, and suspiciously dark brown fur all over them.

 

He made a mental note to thank Natasha for being the only one who  _ wasn’t _ destroying the woodworking with the insesent need to rub against every single corner they pass by, because he’s yet to find any tabby fur anywhere.

 

He’s not sure if he can blame Tony or Peter, since they were both babies, and didn’t always know what they were doing wrong -also, he knew Tony had issues with object permanence and being told not to rub himself on a corner was a hard concept to understand means  _ all _ corners, not just one.

 

But, Howard was an adult, and very smart, he should know better. Howard nodded at him, “Okay.”

 

He walked over to the other kitchen door and his tail immediately curled around the edge of the hardwood, and Steve knew he was going to do it again. “Howard, that’s just another corner!”

 

Howard frowned, “What’s wrong?”

 

“You!”

 

“What?”

 

Steve shook his head, “Just… cats, you know.”

 

Howard pointed over at Tony, “Him?”

 

Steve smiled a little, “No, Howard, I’m talking to  _ you _ .”

 

Howard looked offended, “What?”

 

Steve rolled his eyes, “Howard!”

 

“What?”

 

“Stop playing stupid.”

 

Howard rolled his eyes with a sigh, making his way over towards Bucky and Tony, the former of which looked quite amused by this exchange. “Eh.”

 

Steve was starting to think that maybe kitties aren’t the smartest ever either.

 

***

 

“What’s that?”

 

Steve looked down at Natasha, who was standing next to the couch in the living room, looking at the cell phone in Steve’s hands.

 

Wait, hadn’t he seen her use one of these before?

 

“Um, it’s a cell phone, Tash.”

 

Natasha nodded, climbing up onto the soft cushions with him. Tony was down for a nap right now, so Steve had been alone till now. “What’s it do?”

 

Steve frowned, honestly confused, “Tasha, you’ve used one before, don’t you-”

 

Natasha let out an almost offended gasp, “It does the same thing as  _ mine _ does?”

 

Steve nodded. He wasn’t sure if he was being punked or not.

 

Wait… maybe Natasha had issues with object permanence too. “But… but that one’s not  _ mine _ , why’s it do the same thing?”

 

Steve really wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Uh… because all phones do the same thing.”

 

Natasha looked wide eyed and slightly horrified. Steve took pity on the cat, gently running his big fingers through soft tabby fur.

 

This kitty was also not the smartest animal.

 

***

 

Steve came into Bucky’s office with a grin. Tony had been napping with him in there that day because of Steve needing to be in SHIELD meetings all morning, but that’s okay, because Steve thinks Tony and his papa need to spend more quality time together.

 

“Hey, kitten, hi little baby boy. How are you feeling today?”

 

Tony looked up at Steve with a smile. He was already playing with a set of soft blocks in the play pen area, having woken up from his nap a bit ago. “Meow.”

 

Steve paused. That was… weird. “Baby, did you just  _ say _ meow?”

 

Tony nodded, “Meow.”

 

Steve cocked his head to the side, giving him a funny look, “Lil kit, are you messing with Daddy?”

 

“Meow.”

 

Steve nodded, gently picking the kitten up out of his playpen. Tony wasn’t supposed to be left alone if he was awake. He was just a baby and needed his daddies for pretty much everything, but he could be trusted to be alone for a few minutes if he was in his playpen. He gently set the kitten on his hip, smoothing his hair through the wild curls on his head, mused from sleep.

 

“Okay, if my kitten isn’t human enough for words, that’s just fine. Do you want some lunch, baby boy?”

 

“Me-AH!” Tony’s meow was interrupted halfway through with a giggling squeal. “Dada!”   
  


Steve’s mouth fell into an amused ‘o’, and he stopped tickling. “Oh my bad, is my kitten using his words again?”

 

Tony hid his giggles in Steve’s shoulder. “Meow.”

 

***

 

“Help! I’m stuck! I’m stuck!”

 

Steve gave Clint a horrified look. Clint was sitting -well, more like roosting- in the rafters right then, looking a little frightened. “Clint, you have wings!”

 

Clint shook his head, looking upset, “No, Steve! I’m stuck! I got up here and now I’m scared!”

 

Which is how Steve found himself looking through the tool shed for a foldable ladder to help him down.

 

When he came back into the foyer, Clint was gone.

 

He could hear giggling though, so he followed the sound into the kitchen, where Clint was perched on Phil’s lap, eating apple slices with caramel sauce. “I… I thought he was stuck?”

 

Phil gave him the oddest look, eyeing the ladder behind him. “Steve… he has  _ wings _ . You know he can fly, right?”

 

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, turning back around and leaving the room without another word.

 

***

 

Did you know, that Peter can stick to the ceiling?

 

Yeah.

 

Steve didn’t know that either.

 

That was one heart attack worthy experience they all didn’t want to repeat.

 

***

 

“Something on your mind, Steve?”

 

Steve sat down on the couch with the other humans in the living room. They all seemed to be supervising the babies and Clint who were in an oversized playpen right now, quite involved in a game that none of the humans could figure out.

 

“I think the hybrids are fucking with my brain.”

 

Phil nodded, “That seems quite plausible.”

 

Bucky looked amused, “What are they doing?”

 

Steve shrugged, looking lost. “Everything. Did you know, every time I take my cell phone out, Natasha asks me what it does? The first time it happened, I thought it was an object permanence issue since Tony still cries when I come into the kitchen for dinner through the living room door if he’s tired. I thought it was just a one time thing. Nope. Every time the fucker comes out, she asks what it’s for.”

 

Phil looked amused, “You know, she texts constantly? If you take her phone away, she’ll just steal someone elses’ and keep texting Pepper on that.”

 

Pepper nodded, “That’s true. She likes phones.”

 

Natasha also liked Pepper, who never argued at having a purring cat to pet.

 

Steve leaned back against Bucky’s side, groaning. “Clint keeps convincing me he’s stuck in places. Tony hasn’t talked to me once in two days other than meowing. He’s not even  _ meowing _ like usual either, he’s  _ saying _ the word meow. It’s weird. Rhodey and Howard are being their usual ornery selves, but I never expected that to change. I don’t even want to  _ talk _ about how horrifying it is to see a baby crawling on the ceiling.”

 

Wade nodded, “I remember the first time I saw him do that. I had an  _ actual _ heart attack, it was horrifying.”

 

Steve nodded, “I think I might have had one too, pretty sure I got better though.”

 

Bucky patted Steve’s head with his non-metal hand. “It’s okay. We’ve all learned something today.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

Bucky smiled, “The dumbest mammal of all, is Steve.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not ask me what the characters look like. They are two foot tall average, Clint has wings, the cats have cat ears and tails, Rhodey has dog ears and a tail, please STOP asking this.
> 
> http://avengersnonsexualageplay.tumblr.com/


End file.
